A STRANGE WOMAN

a ten-minute play by A. S. Maulucci

TIME: the present

PLACE: The living room of large house in an affluent neighborhood of a major metropolitan city.

CHARACTERS: JOHN, a distinguished-looking middle-aged man dressed in a well-tailored business suit and carrying a slim leather briefcase. WOMAN, a very attractive 30-something, slim, slightly athletic, very sexy, wearing designer jeans and a loose blouse.

SCENE: As the lights come up we see the WOMAN pacing languorously across the room. Her movements are cat-like. Her manner throughout the play is sexy and seductive. After a few moments, JOHN enters. The WOMAN and JOHN stand regarding each other in silence for a few beats.

JOHN: Who are you? How did you get in here?

WOMAN: Aren’t you happy to see me?

JOHN: How could I be? I don’t know who you are.

WOMAN: Don’t you? How can you be sure?

JOHN: I’ve never seen you before in my life. Where is my wife?

WOMAN: Do not worry. She is safe. No harm will come to her.

JOHN: What are you doing here?

WOMAN: I am here for you, John.

JOHN: What do you mean? And how do you know my name?

WOMAN: Don’t you know? You have conjured me up. Like a genii from a bottle.

JOHN: Don’t be ridiculous. Is this some kind of scam? Some new kind of home invasion?

WOMAN: It is you who will be taking control of me, and not the other way around.

JOHN: Are you crazy? What kind of nonsense is this?

WOMAN: I assure you, it will all make perfect sense . . . after a while.

[JOHN takes out his cell phone and begins to make a call.

WOMAN: Who are you calling, John?

JOHN: Who do you think? The police.

WOMAN: That would be a foolish mistake. Don’t you want to hear what I have to say?

JOHN: Not really.

WOMAN: I think you do.

JOHN: Why should I?

WOMAN: Because you’ll find me fascinating once you get to know me.

JOHN: What a crock! Would you please get out of my house. Where’s my wife? What have you done with her?

WOMAN: I will tell you everything you want to know, in due time. But first I want to get to know you a little.

JOHN: This is absurd. You are a strange woman.

WOMAN: Really? In what way? [pause] Why don’t you pour us a drink?

JOHN: Looks like you’ve had quite enough already.

WOMAN: I swear to you I haven’t had a drop since I got here.

JOHN: When did you get here?

WOMAN:  A little while before you did.

JOHN: And just where did you come from?

WOMAN: In due time, John. In due time you will know everything you wish to know. Now why don’t you relax and fix us a drink?

JOHN: Where are the others?

WOMAN: The others?

JOHN: Your confederates. The other members of your gang. Are they lurking around the house? Are they hiding upstairs or down in the basement?

WOMAN: There are no others, John. There is only me.

JOHN: Well you must be working with someone else. Someone else has taken my wife away.

WOMAN: Why do you say that? Perhaps she left of her own free will.

JOHN: She wouldn’t do a thing like that.

WOMAN: How little you know her. In fact it took very little to persuade her.

JOHN: You must be putting me on.

WOMAN: You know best.

JOHN: I don’t like being patronized.

WOMAN: What is it you do like, John?

JOHN: What business is that of yours?

WOMAN: You like being admired. You like your job.

JOHN: Yeah, so what?

WOMAN: You like the feeling of power it gives you, being your own boss, having people working under you, giving commands, having your orders obeyed by your staff.

JOHN: What’s wrong with that?

WOMAN: Nothing, John, absolutely nothing. I too like feeling powerful and in control.

JOHN: I bet you do. And you get that feeling from playing with guys like me, is that it?

WOMAN: As you wish. Only I’m not afraid to let go once in a while. I don’t mind being submissive on occasion, with the right man.

JOHN: Oh, I see. You get your kicks from showing up in some stranger’s house and playing the woman of mystery. Your life must be pretty boring if you have to spice it up like that.

WOMAN: What’s wrong with a little spice now and then?

JOHN: I don’t like mind games. I don’t like being manipulated. Now if you would kindly tell me where my wife went to so I could get on with my evening. I’ve had a hard day, and I don’t need the aggravation.

WOMAN: She went for a long walk with the dogs.

JOHN: I doubt it. We don’t have any dogs.

WOMAN: She went for a drive.

JOHN: I think I saw her car in the garage when I came home.

WOMAN: What difference does it make? Like I told you, she is safe; no harm will come to her.

JOHN: Why should I trust you?

WOMAN: I don’t know. But what choice do you have?

JOHN: I’m calling the police.

WOMAN: That would be a terrible mistake.

JOHN: So you said. But maybe I should take the chance.

WOMAN: You are an intelligent man, John. You are a strong and calculating man. But more to the point, you are a man who likes to take risks, are you not?

JOHN: Just what are you getting at?

WOMAN: You and me, John. Or more specifically, you. I am trying to get at you.

JOHN: What for?

WOMAN: For your own good.

JOHN: Don’t give me that crap. You want something. You want money. Okay, how much? It’ll be worth it to get rid of you and get my wife back.

WOMAN: I don’t want your money, John.

JOHN: I’m getting tired of this. Like I told you, I don’t like games. Now suppose you tell me just what it is you want and then get the hell out of here.

WOMAN: But this IS what I want, John.

JOHN: What do you mean?

WOMAN: What I want is to be here with you.

JOHN: Are you out of your mind? This is my private life. You can’t just pop up in here and spend time with me whenever you want.

WOMAN: Why not? Isn’t that every man’s fantasy? To come home to a strange woman, a different woman every night.

JOHN: Maybe some men, but it’s not mine.

WOMAN: Why not?

JOHN: I like consistency.

WOMAN: You like life to be predictable.

JOHN: Yes, up to a point. I like a little unpredictability too.

WOMAN: A little excitement?

JOHN: Where is this going?

WOMAN: Where does it always go?

JOHN: You mean into the bedroom?

WOMAN: If that’s what you want.

JOHN: What I want is for you to get yourself out of here.

WOMAN: That’s not going to happen.

JOHN: Oh really? And why not?

WOMAN: Because that’s not really what you want.

JOHN: What if I just pick you up and throw you out on your ass?

WOMAN: You wouldn’t do that.

JOHN: Oh, wouldn’t I? You just watch me.

[JOHN picks up the woman and walks a few steps with her, then puts her down on the sofa and begins kissing her.

WOMAN: Now that’s more like it.

JOHN: Is this what you want? You slut! You dirty little whore!

WOMAN: Yes, this is exactly what I want.

[More kissing. The doorbell rings.

JOHN: That must be my wife.

WOMAN: Tell her to go away.

[More kissing. The doorbell rings again. JOHN stands up.

WOMAN: Can’t you just ignore it? Just this once?

JOHN: It might be important.

WOMAN: But we were having such a good time.

JOHN: I’m expecting a delivery.

WOMAN: You know something, John, that’s the trouble with our marriage. Your damn business always comes first.

BLACKOUT

THE BELLS

A one-act play by A. S. Maulucci

PLACE: A small New England town

TIME: The early 1960s

CHARACTERS: A middle-aged married couple.

MAN is agitated and anguished.                  

WOMAN is calm and somewhat detached.  

Lights up on a bare stage except for a sofa, center. On the sofa a man and a woman are seated. Both are reading. After a few beats we hear a somber staccato church bell ringing in moderately rapid strokes, fading out after a few moments.

MAN: There it goes again. That damn bell. Why are they ringing it?

WOMAN: Dunno.

MAN: There’s got to be a reason for ringing it. Why would they just ring it for no reason?

WOMAN: They’re calling the faithful to God.

MAN: I doubt it. There are no faithful left in this town. Not anymore. And nobody really believes in God.

WOMAN: Maybe somebody died.

MAN: They don’t ring like that when somebody dies.

WOMAN: How would you know?

MAN: I know. They ring them more slowly, sonorously. That’s not a death knell.

WOMAN: A death knell. Yeah. You can always tell when it’s a death knell. It rings the mourners gravely to the graveyard.

MAN: Ha, ha. So why do they keep ringing it? It’s like every fifteen minutes.

WOMAN: [quoting] Ask not for whom the bell tolls . . .

MAN: [slightly annoyed] I’m not asking for whom, I’m asking why.

WOMAN: Why are you irritated with me?

MAN: I’m not. I’m irritated by the bells. I’m irritated by that church. Why did we have to move next to a church?

WOMAN: Why don’t you speak to the high priest, or whatever he’s called?

MAN: A fat lot of good that’d do. I’d rather spit in his face, the old hypocrite.

WOMAN: Well then, we could move.

MAN: I don’t want to move. I like this house.

WOMAN: Well then, stop complaining.

MAN: Don’t they bother you? Don’t the bells get on your nerves?

WOMAN: Not really. I just ignore them. Remember what they did to Quasimodo. Drove him insane. Can’t you do that?

MAN: Do what?

WOMAN: Tune them out.

MAN: No.

WOMAN: That’s a pity.

MAN: What did you say?

WOMAN: I said it’s a pity, a pity you can’t tune them out.

[Silence for a few beats.

WOMAN: They’re just minor nuisance.

MAN: Yes, a nuisance. A major nuisance.

[MAN gets up from the sofa and begins pacing.

WOMAN: What’s the matter?

MAN: Nothing, I’m just a little antsy.

WOMAN: Why don’t you go out for a walk?

MAN: So I can hear the bell ringing over my head?

WOMAN: Go to the park, it’s farther from the church.

MAN: The park at this time of night?

WOMAN: Go to a bar and have a drink then.

MAN: I don’t feel like drinking. And you know I don’t like bars, not anymore, not after . . . what happened with the . . . [sings] ta-ra-ra-boom-di-yay. [pause, more pacing] Why don’t we go away for a while?

WOMAN: All right, we could go next weekend. No, we can’t go next weekend. We have that party to go to on Saturday, and I promise my mother we’d visit her on Sunday.

MAN: That’s just it. That’s just what makes me so restless. All these endless, endless obligations. They’re draining away my strength, my manhood... I just want to get clean away for a while.

WOMAN: What do you mean, “clean away”?

MAN: I mean I want us to just pack up and leave on a moment’s notice without having to say good bye to anyone, without having to tell anyone where we’re going.

WOMAN: Yes, wouldn’t that be nice. But we can’t, of course.

MAN: Why can’t we?

WOMAN: Now you’re talking like an impulsive teenager. You know perfectly well why we can’t.

MAN: You don’t understand me. You simply do not understand. It’s like the idea is getting lost in translation.

WOMAN: Enlighten me.

MAN: I was reading the other day about a couple who sold their house and their cars and just about everything else and hit the road. Just went off to see the world like a couple of gypsy. Why couldn’t we do that?

WOMAN: You told me a moment ago how much you like this house.

MAN: All right, so we rent out the house while we’re away. That way we’ll have a place to come back to when we decide to stop traveling.

WOMAN: Traveling is addictive. You may never want to stop.

MAN: So what does that mean? That we should stay here forever, just stay here in this house, in this town until we keel over and die, and they bury me in the churchyard with the bells ringing a death knell?

WOMAN: Aren’t you getting just a wee bit dramatic?

MAN: I’m serious, damn it! I’m very serious. It’s hitting me like a cold shower. Someday day I’m going go down head first and my last thought will be, “Why didn’t I do what I’ve always wanted to do with my life?” [pause, he grows more agitated] You know I never told you this but something happened at the office that scared me senseless. A couple of months ago a guy collapsed at his desk. He just went out like that. His head hit the top of his desk, bang!

WOMAN: Was he dead?

MAN: No, but he might have died if it hadn’t been for the security guard who gave him CPR. They rushed him to the hospital and he’s all right now.

WOMAN: Who was it?

MAN: I don’t know his name. We never spoke.  But he might have died, then and there. Right there, at his desk. Well, it was very disturbing, I can tell you, and it started me thinking. It could happen to me someday. Just as fast as that. Bang! My head hits the desk and it’s over. I’m gone.

[Silence for a few beats.

WOMAN: You never know.

MAN: Yeah, you’re damn right. You never know.  

[Silence for a few beats.

WOMAN: So that’s why you want to go away?

MAN: Yeah, I want to see the world. All of it.

WOMAN:  All of it?

MAN: All of it. Why the hell not? I want to start over. I want to experience life. I want to be a free man! I’ve found the courage to live and I want a new life.

[Silence for a few beats.

MAN: There’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you.

WOMAN: Oh, really? What’s that?

MAN: Did you have a love affair with my best friend before we got married?

WOMAN: I’m shocked. How could you ask such a thing after all these years?

MAN: Because I need to know. True or false?

WOMAN: False. When would I have had a chance?

MAN: I’m sure you could have found an opportunity if you had really wanted to. Ta-ra-ra-boom-di-yay.

WOMAN: You think I’m devious, but I’m not. I’m not in the least devious, not a bit. Well, I’ll be honest. I wanted to, but I never did. That’s the truth. Trust me.

MAN: So our daughter is really my own?

WOMAN: Of course she is. Does that satisfy you?

MAN:  I guess so.

WOMAN: Do you want a divorce?

MAN: No, I want a change. I’m desperate for a change.

WOMAN: Then why don’t you go away?

MAN: Yes. And it’s not because I want to escape from reality.

WOMAN: Okay. When are you leaving?

MAN: You mean when are we leaving, don’t you?

WOMAN: I mean when are you leaving.

MAN: Don’t you want to come with me?

WOMAN: Not really.

MAN: You want to stay here stuck in this boring town?

WOMAN: I’m not bored.

MAN: How could you not be bored? This is a boring town. It’s so boring that I think I’m about to go mad. I want to start over. I want a new life. Ta-ra-ra-boom-di-yay.

WOMAN: Will you stop singing that, please.

MAN: Sorry. It’s stuck in my head.

WOMAN: Well, get it unstuck for goodness sake. [pause] I’m not bored, I tell you.  I like my job. I like our neighbors. I like digging in the garden.

MAN: Our neighbors! Now there’s a pair of idiots. Talk about boring. Do you know what he told me the other day?

WOMAN: No, I can’t imagine. What did he tell you?

MAN: He told me they were building a new bowling alley and he wants to start a league. He asked me to be on his team. Can you believe it! Bowling! My God, I’d rather jump off the Empire State Building.

WOMAN: Now there’s an idea.

MAN: What? I should jump off the Empire State Building?

WOMAN: No, that you should take up sky diving, or hang gliding, or learn how to fly a plane. Do something adventurous like ballooning.

MAN: [with utter disdain] Ballooning? You can’t be serious!

WOMAN: Well, that’s one way to see the world.

MAN: Now you’re mocking me

WOMAN: Sorry. I couldn’t help it.

MAN: Maybe I will go without you. It’d serve you right for being such a boring wife.

WOMAN: Am I boring? Then why do you stay with me?

MAN: I didn’t mean that.

WOMAN: I think you did.

MAN: Well, maybe just for a moment. You made me angry and I guess was just lashing out.

WOMAN: All the same, you spoke honestly. You really meant it. [crushed] You think I’m boring. Maybe if I had lied and told you I had had an affair with your best friend you wouldn’t think I was so boring. Maybe if I told you our daughter isn’t yours . . . 

[MAN sits down on the sofa and tries to put his arms around the WOMAN.

MAN: I only meant it for a moment. I was speaking out of my own frustration, and I take it back.

WOMAN: You can’t take back a thing like that, not if you really meant it.

MAN: Please forgive me. I love you. You are my darling, my heart’s delight, the light of my life. [pause] You are my reason for living.

[The WOMAN softens, relaxes, and the MAN kisses her. While they are kissing we hear the sound of the church bell striking again but this time more slowly, tolling like a death knell.

MAN: [looking out at the audience, in despair] There it goes again. That damn bell! It’s all so boring! We’re going to die of boredom.

WOMAN: Don’t go melodramatic on me. It’s only a figure of speech. Nobody really dies of boredom.

MAN: Yes, they do. They’re dying of boredom all over America.

[The sound of the bell fades out as the lights come down.

BLACKOUT